girls just wanna have fun
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I am the first to admit that the above is easier to achieve for some than for others (like myself), but that didn’t lessen the contrast between how she looked and how she sounded.
When I tuned into her, I received images of a little animated character running around tables full of food – mostly cakes -, grabbing bits while running, hardly chewing and storing most of it in its hamster-like cheeks.
This represented how she lived. As far as I could see this little animated persona could just as easily find a chair, sit down at one of the tables and enjoy the food, instead of running around.
I told her that it looked like she had a lot to be grateful for. She did have a job and she did have children; she looked beautiful and had a great taste. And, as she later added, she had a lovely husband and a nice house too. Why didn’t she ‘sit down and enjoy it?’
The reason, she told me, was her job. She worked in the office of a big department store, and she recently had a new boss who didn’t like her. She had been in her job for almost 10 years, and she had always worked with pleasure, but her new boss was ruining it for her.
She added that she also would like me to help her with a family issue regarding her sister.
Starting with Claire’s job I was surprised to experience the loveliest energy when I tuned into her workplace. More than a place to avoid, it looked like her favourite hang-out. I expressed my surprise to Claire, who agreed whole-heartily. She said her colleagues all got along really well. Originally their old boss had organised social gatherings, and eventually seeing each other outside work had become normal. Their old boss still participated regularly.
At this point I already felt for Claire’s boss. Her energy was very different from the rest of the group. Without having to dig deep, I could see she was the type of person who needed to do everything very precisely in order to feel she had done a good job. The less secure she felt, the more precise she became. Of course being precise can be translated into being pedantic, and that can feel threatening if you are not that much into details yourself, but I couldn’t see any nastiness nor any personal preferences coming from her boss.
“She double checks everything I do”, Claire said defensively after I expressed my doubt about the new boss purposely ruining Claire’s life. “She continuously asks why and how I did things. I’ve been in this job for almost 10 years. I just do things, I can’t remember the whole process from the start. I feel she is always watching me because she doesn’t trust me. She has this horrible way of walking; she kind of stamps her pumps in the ground with every step, and I cringe every time I hear her footsteps coming my way”.
“Are you sure she verifies your work because she dislikes you? My gut feeling is that she just wants to make sure that she understands everything. She wants to be on top of everything, mostly because she is supposed to be on top of everything. I don’t get anything on her disliking you or anybody else. You feel threatened by her, that is all I get. Do you guys invite her to your social outings?”
“Yes, we do” Claire answered, “but she has told us from the beginning that she will only be able to participate sporadically, because of her home situation. She is a single mother by choice, one of my colleagues’ sister knows her and told my colleague she had her children through a sperm donor. No father involved.”
I was silent for a while. People grouping up against one unsuspecting person behind their back is my pet hatred. I wanted to keep any personal feelings out of the reading, so I waited until I felt completely objective again.
It turned out to be the right thing to do, because in that time, Claire had become a bit uncomfortable, less sure of herself.
When I started talking again I told her that maybe it had been a long time since she had felt the outsider in an established group, but that she could try to recall the feeling? And how about starting a new job? Did she remember the belly-ache and the fear of making mistakes?
I asked her if she had ever been part of a group where she knew they were talking about her behind her back. Because I didn’t need psychic skills to know Claire and her colleagues were talking about their new boss, and imitating her, at their social outings. Pump-stomping and all.
“You know what the hardest thing to understand though, Claire is?” Your judgement on how she became a mother. It was dripping through your words. What has happened to you Claire? You say you are a struggling Mum, but you don’t feel like one. You say your boss makes your life hell, but it doesn’t feel like it. You spread intimate details about your boss, dipped in mean judgement, but you feel like a really lovely person to me. What is really the matter here Claire?
You have a fairy tale life Claire, do you realise that?”
Claire took a deep breath and answered: “I realise this more than you know. At school when we were asked what we wanted to become as adults, most of my classmates had big ambitions. Me, I wanted a handsome husband, 2 kids, a beautiful house and a big car. I got it all plus an extra car! And yes, it still is exactly what I want.”
‘And that scares you, doesn’t it?”. Claire nodded. “Tell me about yourself before your dreamlife. How were you different?”
She looked at me briefly, smiling apologetically before answering: “I partied a lot, I giggled a lot and I flirted a lot”. I so could see her in that role. She had been made for it. When I told her, she giggled.
“What would you have thought about your boss then?” I asked. Besides that you would have still imitated her behind her back. I got another giggle from Claire. “Honestly, I wouldn’t have cared. I wouldn’t have noticed. If she had something nice on, I would have commented on it and asked where she got it, and that would be about it.”
“What happened?” I asked her again. She continued: “I loved the vibe around getting married. I loved every single thing about it. I love weddings full stop. But then we bought the house, - and yes it was my dream home - I was scared. Dean kept telling me we would be stupid to keep renting. I know he was right, but I was never quite the same afterwards. I was never as relaxed as I had been before owning the house”.
“And then of course there is the fact that you had to keep working after you had your children.” I added.
“Well yes I suppose so,” she answered pensively, before falling silent.
I could see thoughts were really churning on in Claire’s head, so I waited until she spoke again:
“You’ve made me see myself through your eyes, and this has made me feel bad about myself. Especially when you told me how you felt my judgement about my boss’s motherhood choices.
You know what I was going to ask you about my sister? She left her husband for a woman. And I am all scandalised and don’t know how to behave towards my sister. That’s stupid. Of course I feel terrible for my brother in law, who is taking it badly, but before I would have just stood by her. Just like you said about my boss: she is the one who is having a hard time. Tell me Melita, why have I become like this?”
“I think it is the stress” I answered. “You’re the reason Cyndi Lauper brought out that song” (Another giggle from Claire), but you aren’t having fun anymore. And that has made you just a tad bitter. Is there anything you can think of that will diminish your stress?”
Claire thought for a while before saying: “I am going to be nice to my boss. That will be super-easy, because I will just be myself asking where she gets her nails done and stuff, and compliment her on her earrings. With my sister I will text her as soon as I get in the car. I will tell her I love and support her. Then I will tell myself to never become the person I was becoming.
After that, I will tell my husband I won’t do our household finances anymore. All those big amounts scare the life out of me. Mortgage, car loan on the second car, insurances and health-care, they give me a stomach ache. I go out working and I feed my family, that’s my side of the deal, and Dean can do the paperwork. I wasn’t made to stress like this!
“Go Claire Go!” I said and meant it. The whole thought had made her look years younger.
We chatted for a while longer, mainly about my readings. She was intrigued and wanted to know how ‘I did it’. She told me she would tell all her girlfriends about me, and I could picture her on the phone telling her friends she had this –a-ma-zing reading from this older woman, ‘sooooo different from other psychic readings darling, you got to check her out’.
“Are your readings always this deep?” Claire asked me seriously when she left. “Sometimes even deeper” I answered, trying to keep a straight face. “Are you laughing at me?” she asked. “I am laughing because you are so fantastically and totally you. And that my lovely Claire, is a compliment”.
I am the first to admit that the above is easier to achieve for some than for others (like myself), but that didn’t lessen the contrast between how she looked and how she sounded.
When I tuned into her, I received images of a little animated character running around tables full of food – mostly cakes -, grabbing bits while running, hardly chewing and storing most of it in its hamster-like cheeks.
This represented how she lived. As far as I could see this little animated persona could just as easily find a chair, sit down at one of the tables and enjoy the food, instead of running around.
I told her that it looked like she had a lot to be grateful for. She did have a job and she did have children; she looked beautiful and had a great taste. And, as she later added, she had a lovely husband and a nice house too. Why didn’t she ‘sit down and enjoy it?’
The reason, she told me, was her job. She worked in the office of a big department store, and she recently had a new boss who didn’t like her. She had been in her job for almost 10 years, and she had always worked with pleasure, but her new boss was ruining it for her.
She added that she also would like me to help her with a family issue regarding her sister.
Starting with Claire’s job I was surprised to experience the loveliest energy when I tuned into her workplace. More than a place to avoid, it looked like her favourite hang-out. I expressed my surprise to Claire, who agreed whole-heartily. She said her colleagues all got along really well. Originally their old boss had organised social gatherings, and eventually seeing each other outside work had become normal. Their old boss still participated regularly.
At this point I already felt for Claire’s boss. Her energy was very different from the rest of the group. Without having to dig deep, I could see she was the type of person who needed to do everything very precisely in order to feel she had done a good job. The less secure she felt, the more precise she became. Of course being precise can be translated into being pedantic, and that can feel threatening if you are not that much into details yourself, but I couldn’t see any nastiness nor any personal preferences coming from her boss.
“She double checks everything I do”, Claire said defensively after I expressed my doubt about the new boss purposely ruining Claire’s life. “She continuously asks why and how I did things. I’ve been in this job for almost 10 years. I just do things, I can’t remember the whole process from the start. I feel she is always watching me because she doesn’t trust me. She has this horrible way of walking; she kind of stamps her pumps in the ground with every step, and I cringe every time I hear her footsteps coming my way”.
“Are you sure she verifies your work because she dislikes you? My gut feeling is that she just wants to make sure that she understands everything. She wants to be on top of everything, mostly because she is supposed to be on top of everything. I don’t get anything on her disliking you or anybody else. You feel threatened by her, that is all I get. Do you guys invite her to your social outings?”
“Yes, we do” Claire answered, “but she has told us from the beginning that she will only be able to participate sporadically, because of her home situation. She is a single mother by choice, one of my colleagues’ sister knows her and told my colleague she had her children through a sperm donor. No father involved.”
I was silent for a while. People grouping up against one unsuspecting person behind their back is my pet hatred. I wanted to keep any personal feelings out of the reading, so I waited until I felt completely objective again.
It turned out to be the right thing to do, because in that time, Claire had become a bit uncomfortable, less sure of herself.
When I started talking again I told her that maybe it had been a long time since she had felt the outsider in an established group, but that she could try to recall the feeling? And how about starting a new job? Did she remember the belly-ache and the fear of making mistakes?
I asked her if she had ever been part of a group where she knew they were talking about her behind her back. Because I didn’t need psychic skills to know Claire and her colleagues were talking about their new boss, and imitating her, at their social outings. Pump-stomping and all.
“You know what the hardest thing to understand though, Claire is?” Your judgement on how she became a mother. It was dripping through your words. What has happened to you Claire? You say you are a struggling Mum, but you don’t feel like one. You say your boss makes your life hell, but it doesn’t feel like it. You spread intimate details about your boss, dipped in mean judgement, but you feel like a really lovely person to me. What is really the matter here Claire?
You have a fairy tale life Claire, do you realise that?”
Claire took a deep breath and answered: “I realise this more than you know. At school when we were asked what we wanted to become as adults, most of my classmates had big ambitions. Me, I wanted a handsome husband, 2 kids, a beautiful house and a big car. I got it all plus an extra car! And yes, it still is exactly what I want.”
‘And that scares you, doesn’t it?”. Claire nodded. “Tell me about yourself before your dreamlife. How were you different?”
She looked at me briefly, smiling apologetically before answering: “I partied a lot, I giggled a lot and I flirted a lot”. I so could see her in that role. She had been made for it. When I told her, she giggled.
“What would you have thought about your boss then?” I asked. Besides that you would have still imitated her behind her back. I got another giggle from Claire. “Honestly, I wouldn’t have cared. I wouldn’t have noticed. If she had something nice on, I would have commented on it and asked where she got it, and that would be about it.”
“What happened?” I asked her again. She continued: “I loved the vibe around getting married. I loved every single thing about it. I love weddings full stop. But then we bought the house, - and yes it was my dream home - I was scared. Dean kept telling me we would be stupid to keep renting. I know he was right, but I was never quite the same afterwards. I was never as relaxed as I had been before owning the house”.
“And then of course there is the fact that you had to keep working after you had your children.” I added.
“Well yes I suppose so,” she answered pensively, before falling silent.
I could see thoughts were really churning on in Claire’s head, so I waited until she spoke again:
“You’ve made me see myself through your eyes, and this has made me feel bad about myself. Especially when you told me how you felt my judgement about my boss’s motherhood choices.
You know what I was going to ask you about my sister? She left her husband for a woman. And I am all scandalised and don’t know how to behave towards my sister. That’s stupid. Of course I feel terrible for my brother in law, who is taking it badly, but before I would have just stood by her. Just like you said about my boss: she is the one who is having a hard time. Tell me Melita, why have I become like this?”
“I think it is the stress” I answered. “You’re the reason Cyndi Lauper brought out that song” (Another giggle from Claire), but you aren’t having fun anymore. And that has made you just a tad bitter. Is there anything you can think of that will diminish your stress?”
Claire thought for a while before saying: “I am going to be nice to my boss. That will be super-easy, because I will just be myself asking where she gets her nails done and stuff, and compliment her on her earrings. With my sister I will text her as soon as I get in the car. I will tell her I love and support her. Then I will tell myself to never become the person I was becoming.
After that, I will tell my husband I won’t do our household finances anymore. All those big amounts scare the life out of me. Mortgage, car loan on the second car, insurances and health-care, they give me a stomach ache. I go out working and I feed my family, that’s my side of the deal, and Dean can do the paperwork. I wasn’t made to stress like this!
“Go Claire Go!” I said and meant it. The whole thought had made her look years younger.
We chatted for a while longer, mainly about my readings. She was intrigued and wanted to know how ‘I did it’. She told me she would tell all her girlfriends about me, and I could picture her on the phone telling her friends she had this –a-ma-zing reading from this older woman, ‘sooooo different from other psychic readings darling, you got to check her out’.
“Are your readings always this deep?” Claire asked me seriously when she left. “Sometimes even deeper” I answered, trying to keep a straight face. “Are you laughing at me?” she asked. “I am laughing because you are so fantastically and totally you. And that my lovely Claire, is a compliment”.